After I published the rules for making your list for a summon, I was genuinely surprised by the amount of response.
One woman asked me to write a post about fear. She was sure that many would connect to a post about fear regarding a relationship. I thought about it quite a bit later. It’s not just the fear in a relationship but also the fear from what people would say if they know you are looking for love.
Let’s say the word that no one has the courage to say out loud “shame”
There is so much taboo around dating and finding a mate. It’s perfectly ok talking openly about sex, sexuality and all sorts of fetishes (not that it’s bad, God forbids) and at the same time there is a kind of unsaid law that is not really cool to seek for love.
As if the seeking for love makes you automatically pathetic. I have to wonder why?
It is also a kind of double-edged sword. On the one hand, you feel that you are being judged as being alone and what is wrong with you. On the other hand, if you are searching for one, you feel that you are still being looked at in a judgmental manner.
It took me a long time to enter the circle of virtual seekers. And even when I did it at first I was very ashamed. As if it will matter to anyone; as if someone cares how you find your partner. How no one tried to make a pass on me in the old fashion way (because today it’s very common, and men have no problem straightening their eyes at you and asking for your phone number) and I had to be really pathetic, poor girl that nobody wanted and had to open a profile in a dating app.
I have a friend (who by the way made a summon list and is now in a stunning relationship for a year now) who was really angry that men she meets in bars / clubs do not dare even look at her straight in the eyes, but they had no problem sending her messages in apps. She was the one who persuaded me to open a file in a dating app.
The virtual ways may seem crooked to us, but they are still part of the preface and we should adopt it without judgment and criticism. Once we would never think about shopping online or paying our bills online, and in fact today, everything can be done via the Internet. So why not look for a mate there?
Then there are those who says that it’s a “meat market.” Well darlings, night clubs also seem to be like a “meat market” so stop being a hypocrite.
So after we overcame the shame that surrounds the issue of the desire of finding a relationship and we understand that it is the most natural thing in the world, we can talk about fears.
It’s just in our head
There are innumerable fears that exist only in our minds and we need to learn to control them – because they are not real. It’s like a story we tell our self but it’s not the truth.
Lack of self-esteem, lack of confidence, fear of getting old alone, feeling that “I am not good enough” – are natural and exist in each of us while searching for a mate. You have to remember that the man you date can be stressed out and afraid of these things too.
And anyway, if we remember that at the end of the day we’re all human, we’re all the same (and we’re all the same no matter how much your parents told you you’re special and different), and we all have the same thoughts, the same fears, and when we understand that, we will also understand we shouldn’t be afraid.
In this context, while writing a list to summon a spouse, I recommend that you also make a list about yourself. A list that you love, appreciate and trust yourself. That you are confident in your decision-making ability that we rely on ourselves and so on.
Everyone deserves love, everyone. I’m frustrated that in today’s world people deal with extreme stuff like, jumping out of an airplane, doing bungee jumping or dangerous rafting, disappearing in jungles at the end of the world, looking for the feeling of excitement that will raise their pulse and still the fear of finding love is too scary for them.
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