So I wrote about my pregnancy and my birth experiences.
Although I am not Super Nanny and I can’t write about parenthood I thought it would be appropriate to write about the day after: what happens after the birth and what to expect.
The Wall
After a million hours of being awake, hunger, self-pity- after the birth I could not sleep.
My mom and Dima fell asleep on the couches almost immediately.
I lay down on the bed, admiring my ability to lie on my stomach, and turn easily from side to side. And I didn’t fall asleep.
In the morning, after I showered and smelled again like a human being, I sent Dima and mom home to take a shower and bring us some coffee (Sorry guys- The American coffee has no taste). When they came back, a barrage of phone calls from Israel hit us.
“What’s wrong with you?” my mom asked. She didn’t understand may lack of desire to speak with all my loved ones.
Just like on birthdays, I did not know how to handle all the attention. Even on our wedding day, on the way to the Chupa I looked down all the way. All this attention is just too hard for me. I admire the women who succeed after a birth to share a picture of themselves holding the baby’s finger on every social media.
Anyhow expect a hysterical amount of phone calls and messages. If you are on the other side, who wants to show love – I always recommend sending a text. It’s just easier to deal with.
Superwoman
After pushing something that feels like a watermelon from your vagina there is a feeling of euphoria. The adrenaline is crazy. And probably because of that I did not fall asleep after the birth.
After two nights in the hospital, I was desperate to go home. I feel fine. I have no stitches from front to back.
We got home at 6 PM, left the little guy with my mom and we went grocery shopping.
I was cooking, doing laundry, folding laundry, while my mom chases me every corner: “You have to rest! You’re stitches will open! Please rest a little but, I’ll leave soon and you will not have time to rest.”
But I’m on the roll! No birth will stop me. No baby crying into the night will exhaust me –I’m invincible.
That’s how it went for about a week or so. Hysterical sense of capability.
When it was over I felt serious energy fall. I felt confused, tired like I didn’t understand how did I get to this situation.
Big Professors and Even Bigger Sense of Guilt
When you become a parent you receive another gift besides the baby. Feeling of guilty. Guilt is accompanied by every act, every thought, any action you do will involve a lot of guilt. It may sound exaggerated but it’s exactly like that.
Do I give him enough attention, do I smuggle him with all this attention, is he active enough?
Am I doing enough for him?
In addition to your obsessive guilt, you discover that everyone has a PhD’s in raising children. And of course you are feeling behind. But do not worry they will pass along to all their knowledge and shove it threw your throat even if you do not want to. Everyone has something to say about everything.Are you breastfeeding or pumping? – Why are you pumping? A special connection is establish between the baby and the mother while breastfeeding.
Did you start give him Formula? Why didn’t you continue with breastmilk? Are you sure tried it right? Too bad because breast milk is much healthier.
Don’t go out with him after dark ok? But you should go out with him during the day- It is important to go out with him during the day.
Are you dressing him in enough clothes? But don’t wear him too many layers – it’s not really healthy either.
Does he have enough tummy time? This is important for strengthening his shoulder and neck.
TV? Why does he watch TV!? God forbid, I do not let my kids watch TV.
Are you holding him a lot? Don’t hold him too much in your hands, he will get used to it, but you should hold him enough that he won’t have a mark on the back of his head.
How much does he eat? Isn’t that too much? Wait a minute and are you showering him every day? Why not? And do you massage him long enough after the shower? It’s really important.
Well my friends, that’s one of the hardest things in a being a new mom. If It’s not enough that you are feeling guilty all the time, afraid you are breaking , scarring, distorting your baby’s future in every action you take (I tried to breastfeed it didn’t work for us!!), everyone bothers to point out loud and clear what you are doing wrong.
The smallest criticism can take the wind out of my sails in just few seconds (a new mom, the hormones go wild) and unfortunately I do not have too many tips to give here. Just be patient (which unfortunately I have not been blessed with). There is no point in answering or debating. Just breathe deeply, and ignore. People love to hear themselves talk, and they most likely love you, and want your best- so smile, nod politely, and do whatever the f** you want.
What to Expect Until Your 6 Week Postpartum Exam
Perhaps this section is not relevant for those who gave birth near their mom. My mother was with me three weeks after the birth, but unfortunately I’m not physically close to my parents, a whole ocean separates between us and an average of 18 hours of flight.
It means that you are alone all day-it’s doubtful whether you ever got out of the Pajama, or if you’ve brushed your teeth, so you do not feel like a human being. You are also lacking of sleep, with a tiny creature that does not give you any positive feedback, who can’t sleep or poop by himself. He screams nonstop, with bottles and diapers, and a kind of routine that you do not understand how you end up with. And I will tell you guys, it’s challenging and I’ll even say depressing.
It’s not that I’m thankful for the miracle of creation, for my beautiful sweet little guy – just the harsh feelings came out of nowhere- because until now I was invincible.
After seven weeks suddenly appear a voluntary smile – a preliminary compensation and very significant for me. There is recognition for all the hard work! For all the sleepless nights! Maybe it sounds dumb, but for some reason, the relief at this stage is big.
Tip for the difficult time – go out to a walk with the baby stroller, and not because all the big professors highly recommended to do it for the baby. Because it’s good for you-the fresh air, the sun (even if it’s fake) will make you feel good. And do not use the excuse of cold weather- If I can do to walk in 20 degrees you can do it too! And of course there are two more pluses for this matter: a baby who sleeps for at least an hour, and burning calories which is never a bad thing- especially after birth.
My one and only
I remember my first work: co-workers who would come to work tired because they would wake up at night, doing shifts with their wives on her maternity leave. I did not understand why they were doing that. Her majesty is on maternity leave. Why do they have to get up with her or instead of her? They have work in the morning. It’s really outrageous. What a spoiled brat- she can sleep all day long. She’s on maternity leave. I was 22 years old who thought she knew everything. I was wrong of course. How easy it is judging others. The last thing you do at home with a baby is to sleep.
Dima and I did not get married within a few months just because we fell in love over our heads, well we did but not just because of that. I think everything happened so fast for us because we both realized we had found our best friend.
My dear Dima was able to suggest we get up every night together. From basic acquaintance with his wife, me, he knew she was not functioning well while she is tired. Fatigue becomes nervousness and then it becomes bitterness. Of course everyone suggested that we will do shifts, that way we’ll sleep better. But we get up together – and guys it works for us great, and just like all PhDs I allow myself to recommend on it.
In conclusion
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